Category Archives: Uncategorized

Let’s take a walk around the internetz neighorhood

There are lots of mainstream websites/blogs that I visit.  Places to find a laugh, a recipe, info, and friends, but that’s not where we’re going today. Today, we’re visiting a few of the ones that “if loving them is wrong, I don’t want to be right.”

Let’s see; pepper spray, check; personal alarm, check; big walking stick, check.  Well alrighty then, I think we’re ready to go.

Fuck My Life I’ve mentioned this before but I feel it’s worth bringing up again.  It’s my somebody’s day is worse than mine pick-me-up spot.

People of Walmart I’m baffled as to why people leave the house looking a hot mess. I’m not saying I have my shit together every time I’m out & about but with most of them it’s like, “don’t you have a mirror, family, friends, pets, enemies to ask if maybe you want to rethink that ensemble?” I will admit that every time I’m in the big W, I’m on the lookout for someone to snap a shot of.

Shit My Kids Ruined I usually blurt out “Holy Shit” at just about every other post.  It also makes me appreciate Beana more because compared to the hell these kids caused, she should have wings & a halo.

Awkward Family Photos This makes me want to find any and all photos taken of me and burn them, burn them, buuuurrrrrnnnnnn thhhhhheeeeemmmmmm.  Like those Middle School Dance Pictures, and that one slumber party pic where I……..um nevermind. Anyway shit like this is why I HATE having my picture taken.

Semi-NSFW

Awkward Boners Yeah, reason #438927436293 I’m glad to be a woman. I don’t care that when it’s cold our nips become two pointy beacons.  It’s nothing compared to pitching the proverbial tent at the most heinous of times.

Last but certainly not least the full-on NSFW:

 Way to Suck That Dick A friend tuned me onto this. Despite all the nakedness it’s not really about the porniness.  It just proves that it takes all kinds to make the world go round.  FYI for some of them, you might want to have a bottle of bleach on hand to rinse your eyes out with. *Disclaimer* FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD, DO NOT RINSE YOUR EYES OUT WITH BLEACH. IT WAS A JOKE PEOPLES. SHEESH.

This ends our tour of my favorite “whydeydodat?” tourist spots on the net. Feel free to tip your guide.

Thankyoucomeagain.

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In a former life, I used to be Al Bundy

During my youth I used to work in the shoe department of a well-known chain department store. Everyone (yes everyone, no I’m not being overly dramatic. EVERYONE) that knew me could not believe I worked in shoes, near feet. “Married” they would say, “you hate feet. The thought of feet makes you break out into a cold sweat. Ack the horror!” I would smile and say, “OMG, INO!” (well maybe be not, this was before text messaging ruined the English Language). Actually for the most part, people don’t mind putting their own shoes on. I would usually help with baby shoes. I love little chubby baby feet. They go great with celery & blue cheese dressing. I also didn’t mind helping out my elderly customers because that’s how I would want someone to treat my Grandmother. Incidentally, I did have a Grampa like gentleman once tell me he had a really big penis. Can I just make note that although I was sitting on one of those shoe stools at crotch level, I DID NOT LOOK.

Straightens by halo & flicks dust off my shoulder.

Anyhoooo, there was a rite of passage for newbies. Her name was “Jane”*. Everyone that worked in the store knew who she was. Jane would walk through one of the many entrances and the phone chain would begin. The Jr. Dept. would call Misses & Mens. Mens would call Accessories & Shoes; Misses would call Childrens and Lingerie. Shoes would call the Home Dept. and they would call Customer Service. This scenario would play out many different ways depending on which door she walked into. I started sometime in the Fall and managed to survive my first Black Friday, Christmas and the day after, the dreaded day of returns, before I had the pleasure of meeting and waiting on Jane. It was slow; I was working with two long timers “Sarah” & “Ted” when the phone rang. Sarah answered the phone, swore and made a phone call. I noticed Sarah & Ted huddled near the stockroom door, but didn’t think anything about it as I finished waiting on the only person in the department. It was then I heard her; she was screaming at her grandkids to hurry up and get to the Shoe Department. With fear clogging my throat, I looked around for my coworkers; the people that had trained me and helped me get through Christmas by coming to my rescue whenever I needed help. They had disappeared like they were in a David Copperfield act; I was left to fend for myself.

Jane had ass length long black hair and never ever ever used her “indoor voice”. She had come to get her 3 grandkids shoes for Christmas. I probably spent 1 1/2 hours waiting on Jane and the grandkids, bringing out at least 25 pairs of shoes. As we were finishing up she’s yelling at the kids to sit down, be quite, shut up. The ironic thing was the kids weren’t really doing anything bad and I told her that. Unfortunately for me the conversation went something like this:

Jane: I’m so very sorry these kids are being bad.
Me: No apologies necessary; they’re fine.
J: I really do apologize for this, I know you’re not used to this kind of behavior.
M: Really, they’re fine.
J: I know little black kids never misbehave when they’re in a store……
M: (chuckling) I bet my mom would disagree. I’ve heard quite a few stories about my behavior.
J: ….. no, I doubt that. I know that little black kids know there’s not much money so they’re always on their best behavior so they can get anything at all.
M: ::blink::

After checking Jane and the gang out, I found Sarah & Ted hiding in the very back of the stockroom. We all had a good laugh about how those BASTARDS, lovely people threw me to the crazy ass wolves. Later, Sarah asked me why I wasn’t angry or offended. I explained that sometimes the ignorance is so pathetic that anger is not your first reaction. It was something more like amazement that she thought she was complementing me**. Plus, I was now officially part of the team and I couldn’t wait to INFLICT share Jane with the next new person hired (which I did).

I had other run ins with Jane (including one at a grocery stores years after I left the shoe department), but I’ll save those for another day.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent (and by innocent I mean me. The bitch is PSYCHO).

** Don’t get it twisted, if she had ever crossed the line, I would have schooled her, real quick.

Relief

I feel like I’m floating in a large body of water that comes right below my bottom lip. I can still breath; I don’t feel that I’m in danger but (hmm there’s always a but isn’t there) I know I’m not happy. I know this is not how I want to live my life. Some days finances, marriage, & motherhood make me feel trapped. I’m tired of treading water just to stay afloat. The feelings of being a bad wife & mother overwhelm me. All I want is some relief. Preferably long lasting relief. I recently commented here.

“Usually I’m a lurker, but I had to delurk to tell you this post & that video is amazing. I can see how someone could get taken in by these sub prime mortgages. For 8 years I have dreamed of owning my own home. The dude I married & I could have been one of the people trapped in this foreclosure mess. We were tempted, so tempted, to just go for it but I was terrified thinking about what could happen if we couldn’t’t afford to pay the mortgage. So we stayed in our apartment & watched people we know achieving our dream. So while I feel less sympathy for those buying way outside their means, I can understand how someone like me just wanted something (reasonable)of their own. I also need to thank you for this reminder that although we are struggling right now just to pay the bills. That even though we’ve got utilities that are disconnected until we can afford to get them back on we are still better off the some. That even though the dude works 2 jobs despite back pain so bad that some days he can’t even stand up straight and his leg will go numb we are still better off then some. That even though I’m working as many hours as I can and still be there to help with homework in the evenings, we’re still better off than some. That even though we have medical insurance (that we really can’t afford)through my job, I still have to decided if whether or not we really need to go to the doctor because of the $5,000 deductible, we have it better than some. The fact the I can still see hope on the horizon in someone who gets it, who understands that a middle class doesn’t have a million dollars and that a $5,000 tax credit (which will cause my insurance to be taxed) will not help me keep my insurance & still be able to pay my bills. So thank you for reminding me that hope & change is possible. Sorry this is so long, but your post really struck a cord with me.”

Even when I’m not focusing on the daily bullshit, its still like an invisible weight on my chest. Now more then ever I find myself being a worrier, trying to figure out how we’re going to rob this Peter to pay this Paul. I also find myself feeling guilty for not having extra money to do fun things like taking Beana to the pumpkin patch or to see Hi.gh Scho.ol Mu.sical III (although if there was anything positive about being broke, it’s that. God, how I dislike those Dis.ney spawns). Luckily for me, she’s a bright kid that understands that even though we can’t always do things right away we will get to eventually.

Anyhooo, while I start learning to live in the now and let go of the guilt, please enjoy this video.

I think I’ll sit here and watch this video until my mood gets better.