Twitterpated Pt. 2 – Alternately Tittled: OH F*CK!

Beana’s Granny brought her a girl bunny (name to be determined) who shares a house with her cousin’s boy bunny. Can you see where this is heading? So she takes me outside to meet her bunny and we get to see porn produced by Animal Planet. Fortunately the show didn’t last long (which kind of made me feel bad for girl bunny), introductions were made and we were able to play.

Once back inside my mother-in-laws house, Beana pulled me off to the side. “Were the rabbits having… know…..s-e-x? Resisting the urge to punch myself in the throat laugh, I told her the bunnies were having sex. After glancing around to make sure no one was close enough to hear she tells me “I thought the girl was always on top.” In one of my better “Mom” moments, I blink a couple of times, snort, & begin to giggle uncontrollably. I explained that when animals have sex the boy is on top. I could see other questions forming, but her dad came into the room and her mouth slammed shut like a bear trap. Bullet dodged!!

Apparently my reprieve was only temporary. The following week we were driving home and Beana asks me if the boy is always on top when people do it. With a white knuckle grip on the steering wheel I mentally scrolled through the answers coming to mind discarding the ones that would lead to even more embarrassingly heart stopping questions (real talk: I want to be able to answer all her sex questions in an open manner because I want her to always feel comfortable coming to me BUT knowing my luck I could just see this turning into a Kuma Satrua for Your 9 year old lesson) before finally settling on, “most of the time but not always would you like to go rent movies & get pizza for dinner?” Thankfully Netflix & Hulu haven’t completely demolished the existence of neighbor hood video stores and I was able to distract her with deciding what to get. As we walked into the video store, Beana asks, “Will boys like me more if my boobies are as big as yours?” Since I’m so totally on top of this mothering thing I honestly answered, “Ooooo look High School Musical III, Zac Efron, singing & dancing.” Her tween eyes glazed over, question forgotten. I realize that while I might have won this battle, the war will most definitely kick my ass well before it’s over.


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